Ripples
by Brandywine421
Summary: Rating for language and sex. MR in the wake of the season finale of S2.
1. One

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything OC related.  
AN: I'm not a big fan of Marissa/Ryan fics, I tend to like her better dead or far away from my Chino, but at the request of some of my awesome f-listers who love the M/R, here's a fic just for them._

* * *

"You sure you're all right to do this?" Sandy asks. 

I nod. I don't know exactly how I'm going to do this, but I know that I have to. My mind is all clouded with the vision of Ryan being choked and the Trey's eyes looking at me, knowing that I shot him. But I have to be all right. I'm not hurt. I'm not the one going to jail. I hope.

Sandy's hand is warm on my shoulder and I give him the best smile I can but I know that it's pretty weak. I was so fucking scared and now that the fear is gone, I'm just numb. Empty. My emotions are just spent right now.

"Come in," the officer says, holding open the door to the small interrogation room.

The cops had taken Trey to the hospital. I hadn't seen what happened to Ryan, all I know is that the cops called my parents and then Sandy was there telling me that he would take care of it.

People always called Ryan a white knight, but Sandy was the one who always came through in the end. If Ryan was the knight, Sandy was the king that he was protecting.

"Just tell the truth, Marissa, and this will all be over soon, okay?" Sandy whispers.

I nod again.

"We're taping this, Miss Cooper, but its protocol, is that okay?"

I'm good at this nodding thing.

"Please speak out loud so the tape can record your consent," the cop says.

"Yes." I still have a voice. I just have to remember how to use it.

"Start at the beginning. When did you arrive at Mr. Atwood's apartment?"

The beginning. God. "I got there…I'm not sure what time. Seth called me and told me that Ryan was going over there because he knew what happened to me…"

"What happened to you? Could you elaborate?" the cop urges.

"A few weeks ago, Trey attacked me…I didn't tell Ryan because…because he wanted to believe in his brother so bad…and Trey…he was so serious about me not telling Ryan, he didn't want to disappoint him…and I knew that Ryan would flip out if he found out…"

Sandy puts his arm around me like I'm going to cry. I don't have the energy right now to cry. I just want to find Ryan and put my arms around him and tell him that I'm sorry for killing his brother. That I'm sorry for all of this. I just want to go home.

"Miss Cooper…did you tell anyone about the attack?"

I shake my head. "My best friend, she saw the bruises and the scratches from where…where Trey grabbed me and she figured it out…I told her tonight and she must've told Seth who told Ryan."

Sandy fills in the blanks for the officer by explaining the relationships of the people I've mentioned.

"Okay. Go on, Miss Cooper."

"So, Seth called me and told me that Ryan knew. I knew that Ryan would go to Trey's…he'd want to hear it from him…I knew he'd be so upset…but when I got there, the door was wide open, and Trey was on top of Ryan…holding him down…they were both bleeding and Ryan…he couldn't breathe and I couldn't get Trey off him…I tried…" and now I'm crying because I remember the frustration and the paralyzing fear that I was going to have to watch Trey kill the man that I loved. "I had to do something and there was a gun in the floor and…" I look at Sandy who still has his arm around me. "I couldn't let him kill Ryan. I just picked it up and…I shot him."

Sandy squeezes my shoulder and I give him an appreciative look. He's being so nice.

"He was on top of Ryan?" the cop asks.

I nod. "He was choking him and he wouldn't let go…and Ryan, he couldn't get away…I had to do something…"

"Okay, Miss Cooper…that's fine." The cop looks at Sandy for a moment.

Tonight started out strange, I should've known that the moment my dysfunctional family decided to try again that something apocalyptic was going to happen.

I hope this is going to be over soon.

"Marissa, I'm going to step outside and talk to the officer for a moment, will you be all right?" Sandy asks me.

"Sure." I'll be fine. I'll just sit here and wait for the men to come with the handcuffs. Or maybe they'll bring the straightjacket for real this time. I can already see my mother telling the doctors how I was suicidal and it was only a matter of time before I was homicidal. She'd love to commit me…

At least my dad's home now. He'd at least tell me that I was going.

Shit. What's going to happen to me? What's going to happen to Ryan? I shouldn't have said that he was going there to talk to Trey, they'll think the gun was his or something…shit…what if I said something wrong and we both go to jail?

I take a deep breath. I have to stop using my first instinct. The truth is what I needed to tell them. Sandy said I should tell the truth.

The door opens and they return, Sandy's eyes telling me that I was going to be okay. I feel better already…

"Do you want to press charges against Mr. Atwood?" the cop asks as I stand up.

"What? Against Ryan? Why?"

"No, honey, against Trey. For attacking you," Sandy says softly.

I haven't considered that. "I…he didn't rape me, I nailed him in the head before he could even try…" But he should be punished. So he couldn't do it to anyone else. But he was drunk and high and didn't know what he was doing…what if I had provoked him? It didn't matter, he should have stopped when I said no. How can I press charges against a dead man anyway?

"Marissa? You don't have to decide tonight, you can think about it…have you told your parents?" Sandy asks. I didn't realize I was shaking until he steadied me with a hand on my back.

I shake my head. "No." I can hear my mother now, saying it was my fault for hanging out with the white trash brothers, she'd say it was my fault. And my Dad…he didn't need to know.

"I think she's done enough tonight. If you need to ask her any more questions, please contact me first," Sandy says, holding out his card and shaking the man's hand. "We'll let you know about those charges later, after she's had some time to think it over."

I hate thinking about Trey attacking me. Because that's what it felt like, an attack. He was going to get what he wanted no matter what I wanted. If I hadn't hurt him…I hate thinking about it.

"Come on, Marissa. Let's get you home, your parents are anxious to see you…" Sandy says gently as he put his arm around me again.

"I'm sorry about this…you having to do this for me…how's Ryan?" I haven't asked because I haven't had time. I know Sandy should be with him and Seth instead of with me.

"He's home with Seth, he's fine, Marissa. You did good tonight, you did everything right, okay? You don't have anything to worry about…"

"So, Trey's…"

"Trey's got a nasty bullet hole in his shoulder, he's going to have to wear a sling for a few weeks," Sandy says, opening the door to the station and letting me out onto the street.

I was going home. Not jail. Not a mental hospital. Home.

"Marissa?"

"Daddy…" It feels so good to have his arms around me again.

"You okay?"

I nod into his shoulder because I can't talk through my tears.

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I'd finally dozed off with the door half opened at my mother's request when I hear my cell phone's chime.

I pick it up automatically. "Hello?"

"Hey." Ryan.

"Hey."

"You okay?" He asks with a quiet hoarse voice. God. I love him so much and he's hurting…he's never going to forgive me…

"Fine, are you? You were…bleeding." And choking.

"I'm okay. Sore."

"I'm sorry…"

"None of this was your fault."

I've never met anyone like Ryan. No one's ever loved me like he does. I don't know what I'll do if he hates me for what I've done.

"I tried…"

"Marissa, I didn't even know you were there…I had blacked out before that…I got my vision back right before the gun went off…"

God…

"I think I was dying…he was killing me, Marissa…"

"I know…"

"Thank you for…for coming after me. I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't got there…I don't want to think about it…"

"Then don't."

"Your parents…are they upset?"

"Of course. How're yours?" I know they're not his real parents, but he knows.

"You know Sandy took Kirsten to rehab today, right?"

"What?" I'm awake now. Kirsten?

"She was drinking. A lot."

"Did you know?"

"I…I mean, it's like everyone drinks here. She just…always was drinking. It wasn't like with my mom where she'd get angry and get into fights…she was quiet. But…I think that's what happened when she crashed the car. Sandy's worn out."

"I'm so sorry, Ryan…"

"It was a bad day."

I listen to him breathe for a long time. I close my eyes. "Are we okay?"

"Yes. I…I love you, Marissa."

"I love you, too."

"Call me tomorrow. Sandy's not letting me go anywhere."

"Good. You need to rest, you…you looked really hurt tonight…can I see you?"

"Seth says you're my bodyguard so I think you're allowed."

I hear him muffle the phone. "What? No, I'm fine…I'm…"

"Marissa? Is that you?" Sandy's voice asks.

"Hi, Sandy."

"He'll call you tomorrow, he has to rest. You should get some sleep, too."

"Okay. Bye."

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I wake up to the sound of my phone again. I can't find it immediately, finally I discover it under my pillow but I recognize the Cohen's phone number and answer it. "Hello?"

"Marissa, it's Sandy."

"Hi…is everything okay?"

"I wanted to apologize for last night. For making you hang up…"

"It's…"

"While we were at the station, Seth was in charge of taking Ryan to the ER and Ryan made a scene…got into it with the doctors and stormed out. That's why I made him get off the phone…we had just finished arguing and I caught him talking on the phone when he wouldn't answer me."

I can sense Sandy's emotion despite his forced levity.

"I didn't know, he didn't tell me any of that…"

"He's still asleep but I wanted to apologize to you before you got the wrong idea."

"Thanks, Sandy, but you're his dad. If my dad had caught me on the phone, he would have done the same thing."

He chuckles. "Sorry to wake you."

"No, I'm glad you called. I'll talk to him."

"You don't have to do that, honey, we talked it out. He's just upset." I can picture Sandy now, lost without Kirsten trying to run damage control for his kids.

"I'll see you later, Mr. Cohen."

Weird. But enlightening.

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It is nearly two pm the next afternoon before my parents deem me stable enough to leave the house. They have to pick up Kaitlyn from the airport and didn't want to leave me alone so I'm given permission to go to the Cohens.

Fine with me.

I know I should go with them to support my baby sister. She's going to flip when she sees Mom and Dad together but hopefully she'll understand.

I need to see Ryan. The sad boy on the phone last night was not the same boy that argued with Sandy and ran out of a hospital.

He's upset. And he'd been comforting me on the phone.

A year ago, it would be exactly what I wanted. But I hope that I've grown a little. I have to be there for him, too.

I haven't had a drink. I hadn't accepted my mother's tentative offer of Valium. My sleep had refreshed me. I need to see Ryan.

The front door was open so I knew that things were slightly normal.

"Cohen!"

"Summer? What's going on?" I find my best friend and Seth in the kitchen fighting over a grilled cheese sandwich. She puts it down and turns to hug me

I love Summer so much.

Seth grabs the sandwich and waits until we've greeted each other to lick the top slice of bread. "It's mine now."

Summer huffs, pissed. "I'm so glad you're here, Coop, it'll be nice to have some intelligent company for once."

Summer and Seth. A match made in snark heaven. Sometimes I think the only reason they're together is because no one else can keep up with their sarcastic quips.

They're definitely entertaining. "Is Ryan here?"

"In the poolhouse. Brooding," Seth answers, sobering immediately as he starts to make another sandwich for Summer. "Want a sandwich?"

"No thanks. Can I see him?"

"You can try, he's kind of…grumpy," Seth said.

"Seth, he's got a right to be upset. His brother fucked him, and from what I can tell, his brother's always fucked him," Summer says, holding my hand. She always gets all touchy-feely after drama. She wouldn't stop hugging me after Tijuana so I'm used to it. I think we draw strength from each other. "Chino has always had a trust problem and speaking as someone who can seriously identify with that, nothing hurts worse than giving someone a second chance and having them betray you all over again…"

I can tell that they need to talk when Seth's mouth drops open but no words come out. They'll always have issues.

"I'm going to go talk to him. Don't leave before we can talk, okay?"

Summer nods.

I can hear Seth start to talk as soon as I'm out of the door. I wonder if they'll break up again this week.

The blinds are all down in the poolhouse. Like after Oliver when he couldn't even look me in the eye. I can't take that happening again.

God, it was only a couple of days ago that he tried to kiss me and I freaked out. I can't do that again. Ryan is not Trey, he's nothing like Trey. I can't do that.

I knock softly.

"Go away."

"Ryan?" I push open the door slightly. "It's Marissa."

"Hey…" he calls from the bed, sitting up and slowly moving to get up.

"Don't get up, I'll come to you." God, he's bruised. His neck, his face, his arms. I go to the bed and sit down beside him.

Ryan's the hardest person to read. I think I know him pretty well after all we've gone through but sometimes I still can't read his signals. I misjudge sometimes when he's willing to be touched and when he wants to talk. If he's having a bad day, it's not a good idea to surprise him with human contact. I don't know what happened when he was a kid but sometimes he acts just like I did after the almost-rape.

I have to touch him for my own sanity though. I reach out and take his hand, lacing my fingers with his. His knuckles are bruised and raw.

"Hey," he says, not smiling.

"Hey. How are you?"

"Sore," he answers.

"I didn't ask how you feel, I asked how you are. Talk to me?"

He meets my gaze with pained blue eyes. "I can't."

He can't? Last night he said we were okay and now he can't talk to me? I won't panic. "Ryan…just try…"

He takes a deep breath and lets go of my hand, running his hand across his battered face. "It's just…fucking Trey…I'm still so mad at him…but I'm more mad at myself for trusting him…he always does it, he always tries to ruin me, he's done it since I was a kid…he'd lie about my girlfriends, lie about my mom, he's…he's a liar and I knew that…I knew what kind of person he is…"

"Ryan…" I reach out to pull him into a hug, but he shakes me off.

"No. This is my fault. I should have told Sandy no right off when he asked if I wanted Trey here, I should have stood up to him and not let my guilt get in the way…"

"Guilt?"

"He went to jail, I came here…" Ryan mutters.

"Ryan, that stuff was out of your control, it was his fault you got arrested in the first place…" I can tell he's upset because he's twisting everything around in his head.

"I just…I don't want to talk about it. I can't…I just…will you just sit with me a little while?" he asks, shutting down.

I nod and shift so I'm sitting beside him. He settles back against the bed and closes his eyes. I wrap my arms around him gently and curl my body around him. He sighs and puts his arm around me and pulls me closer.

I can hear his heart beat. Slow, steady.

I have to be patient. He'll work it out. It's something he has to do for himself. I can't make him forgive himself. I almost wish he'd hate me instead because it's just wrong for him to be feeling like it's all his fault.

"I would never hurt you," he whispers.

"I know."

"Do you? You don't think I'm going to snap one day…"

"No. You have never hurt me, Ryan. Not like that…you…you're nothing like him."

"You haven't known me that long…"

I sit up and make him look at me. "I know you better than he does. I know that you have the most beautiful heart and you'd do anything for the people you love and that your trust is the most wonderful thing in the world to have…"

"Marissa…" he starts.

"No. I won't let you compare yourself to him because there's no comparison. You grew up in the same place with the same parents, but he decided to be just like them and you changed your life, you learned from your mistakes and theirs…" I stop myself before I go too far.

He's silent but thoughtful. I lie down beside him again and I'm relieved when he pulls me close.

"Stay."

"I'm not going anywhere."

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I wake up breathless with Ryan's arms around me.

"Shh…shh…it's just a bad dream…" his fingers run through my hair and I immediately feel better.

I keep dreaming about Trey and the look on his face when I shot him. The blood and Ryan's choking face.

"You okay?" Ryan murmurs when I pull him close.

"I am now…did I wake you?"

"I haven't been able to sleep much lately."

I glance outside and see that its night. "What time is it?"

"Late. After eight. Sandy called your parents, I think. Said you were sleeping. They said for you to call when you wake up."

"You talked to Sandy?"

"He came out to try and get us for dinner a little while ago."

"Why didn't you wake me?" I ask.

"Are you hungry?"

"Not really, but…I would have gone with you," I say.

"I didn't really want to go inside. Seth's a little too…manic for me. I just can't deal with him right now."

I can see how Seth could be a little overwhelming, he's always overwhelming. Ryan has the patience of a saint but he'll rather avoid him than ask him to let up on his babbling.

"Did you tell Sandy that?"

"Sandy's got enough on his mind," Ryan sighs.

I hold him tightly. I hope it makes him feel better. I lean back and look into his eyes. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. Just…not today," he replies honestly.

I kiss him softly, testing the waters to see if it's too soon. He's hesitant at first but after a moment he responds, pushing his tongue into my mouth.

He tastes so good, he's delicious, I love kissing him.

Moments like this, it's like we're the only people in the world. He puts his hand on the back of my head like he knows I like. He's so gentle but his kisses are so urgent…

"You want to forget about all this for a little while?" I whisper, out of breath.

"I don't know if I'm up for it tonight…" he admits.

But I lower my hand to his crotch and I can tell his body disagrees. "I'll be gentle."

He smiles slightly and I see a flicker of the boy I love in his eyes. "I'll lock the door…"

"No, don't get up." I hop off the bed and lock the door, checking to make sure that no one's in the backyard.

"Marissa…"

"No." I need to do this. I love him. I want to be with him. I want to show him how important he is to me. He is not Trey. I told him that earlier and now I have to prove it.

I slowly slip my jacket off and pull my tank top over my head. There's a faded scar from his brother's fingers but it's mostly gone. I step out of my skirt and glance up to see him looking at me.

"You're so beautiful…"

We've only slept together a couple of times but we fit together. I don't know if it's because my last significant other was a girl, but I love having him inside me. It's like nothing else in the world.

I walk over and gently, making sure not to hurt him, pull off his shirt. His chest is bruised and scarred but I try to kiss his pain away, sucking one of his nipples into my mouth as he starts to run his hands up and down my body, unclasping my bra and freeing my breasts.

"So beautiful…" he murmurs.

He's wearing sweatpants and as I dip my hand into the waistband, I notice that he's not wearing underwear.

"Do you always go commando?" I tease as I wrap my fingers around his impressive cock and tug his pants down so I have easy access.

He laughs slightly. "You don't have to…"

"I think the full event might be a little much for you tonight, Ryan, so let me try and make you forget for a little while, okay?" I lower my mouth to his cock and lick its length until he groans.

"You're a tease…"

"Don't tempt me," I say.

I haven't told anyone except Summer, but I've been reading back issues of Cosmo to try and find ways to make this amazing sex better. It used to seem disgusting to me, some of the things, but now that I'm with Ryan, I'll do anything to make him groan like that. His body is my playground. I take his balls into my mouth and his entire body shivers as I stroke his cock with my hand.

"God…" he whispers.

I stroke him faster and take his length in my mouth and he raises his hips automatically. Boys, instinctively trained to fuck.

"Don't stop…" he moans and I work harder to get him off, sucking softly and squeezing his sensitive sac with my hand.

I'm getting hot, too, but I want to get him off first.

His hand tangles in my hair and pulls my head away gently.

"You told me not to stop…"

"It's a little unfair don't you think?" he asks, panting with restraint. His eyes are glazed with lust and I love that he wants me so much.

"You sure that you can…"

"It'll be worth the pain," he smiles, kissing me. We kiss for a few delicious minutes before I pull away with a grin.

I know where he keeps the condoms so I put my hand on his chest to keep him from moving. I take one out of the package and slide it over his throbbing dick.

"You don't mind me taking the reins, do you?"

"God, no…" he said.

I was careful as I straddled him and lowered myself. His dick fit me like a glove and it feels so good once he's completely inside me, despite the slight pain from his size.

We've never done it in this position before, but I like it a lot. He fills me completely and I can tell that he's enjoying it as I start to ride his dick slowly. He keeps his eyes on me, licking his lips. I grind my hips in a circular motion, enjoying the friction and feeling my orgasm come closer.

"Marissa…" he moans and I lean forward and kiss him, and start to ride him faster and faster until he comes and I come and everything is perfect.

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TBC


	2. Two

_AN: Very smutty section ahead. Sex and bad language,_

* * *

"Fuck…"

I hear his muttered words and it wakes me up. "Hmm?"

"It's Sandy, he's at the door," Ryan says.

I scramble across the room, pulling on my clothes as I come across them leading in a line from the bed to the door. I straighten my clothes as best I can and glance back at Ryan who has covered himself with the blankets and hidden his clothes.

Sandy knocks again and I unlock the door and let him in. "Hey, Sandy…we fell asleep."

Sandy glances at her and then at Ryan. "Could you give me a few minutes with Ryan now that you're awake? You should call your parents. You can stay in the guest room with Summer."

I nod and give Ryan a sympathetic glance before hurrying from the poolhouse barefoot.

"You got busted too?" Summer asks me when I walk into the kitchen.

"Busted?"

"Mr. Cohen totally caught me and Cohen…horizontal," Summer replies, her cheeks red.

I can't stop myself from laughing but I give her a hug. "That sucks, Sum. I had time to get dressed, but I think he knows that…"

"You and Ryan…you guys are horizontal?" Summer asks. "After…"

"I…I needed to make him feel better…make me feel better," I answer her as I grab a glass out of the cabinet for some juice.

Summer smiles at me. "I'm happy for you, Coop. You guys deserve a little fun-time, you know?"

"You and Seth, too. The other night…that was so fucking scary…"

"I didn't know what had happened, we heard the gunshot…"

A shudder rushes through me as I remember.

"And then Ryan and Trey were both on the floor and you…you scared me, Coop…"

"I scared myself. I shot someone…" I did. I shot someone.

"You saved your boyfriend's ass is what you did, girl. You went all Trinity on Trey's Smith, Marissa…" Summer teases.

"So you're saying that Ryan's the One?"

"Isn't that what you've always said?" she replies, raising one of her eyebrows.

"You're so stupid," I say.

"What are you guys doing?" Seth yawns, walking in.

"You dad busted Marissa in Ryan's room, too," Summer answers.

"Ouch, with Mom out of the house, his sex alarm must be working overtime…that's gross even to me, I need to go brush my teeth," Seth says.

"Well, since none of us seem to be sleeping, maybe your dad would approve of us watching some tv?" Summer suggests.

"He'll probably be with Ryan a while, go on into the living room and I'll gather us some snacks," Seth offers.

Summer puts her arm around me and we walk into the family room. We sit down and she flips on the TV, settling onto the Lifetime channel for a few minutes. "Seth'll make us change it. How's Ryan, Coop? Cohen's really worried about him, says he won't talk to him."

"Ryan's upset. Like, he's got everything all twisted in his head, he thinks its his fault that Trey came here…Ryan always thinks everything's his fault…"

"He talks to you, doesn't he?" Summer asks.

I nod.

"He doesn't talk to anyone else, Coop. He's going to really need you…are you going to be able to be there for him?"

I know she's not being mean, she's asking me stuff I need to think about. Can I be the strong one this time? Can I avoid the bottle and be Ryan's friend first instead of his needy girlfriend?

"I'm going to try my best, Sum. I…I love him and he's here for even though he's thoroughly fucked up so I have to return the favor," I tell her.

"I think you guys are really going to do it this time. You've both grown up a lot and…I think you guys are finally friends first. Believe me, being friends is the hardest part, there's times every day that I just want to rip Seth's hair out…but I don't think the sex would be as good if he was bald," she whispers.

Summer's so funny, but I get her understated wisdom. Ryan and I worked hard at being friends. Now we're so much more. It's almost like this time is the first time we've really put everything we have into our relationship. I love him. I'll do anything for him.

"Did he say anything about Seth? As to why he's being all agoraphobic?" Summer asks, solemn again.

"He says that Seth's a little overwhelming right now. Like, even when I was there, he opened up a little and then he just wanted to be quiet. I think he just needs quiet, I don't think it has anything to do with Seth."

"Talking about me already?" Seth asks, walking in with a big bowl of chips and bottled juices. "Lifetime? Not in my house, change it, change it!"

Summer tosses him the remote with a roll of her eyes.

* * *

My mom wakes me up off the couch the next morning beside Summer and Seth and announces that I have to see my therapist for an emergency session. I don't get to see Ryan all day, between my shrink and my parents taking my sister and me shopping at the plaza to cheer us up. 

It's a generally surreal day, seeing my mom and dad in all their puppy love bliss is strange.

And now, it's after ten and Ryan's phone is going straight to voicemail.

I'm worried about him. Really worried. Summer called earlier and told me that Sandy had asked her to give him a day with the boys. But I know that Ryan would call and that Sandy wouldn't keep him from calling me. Something's wrong. I hope nothing's wrong.

"Marissa?"

"Hey, Kaity." My sister has grown a lot in her year away at boarding school. She's the same size as Summer and she carries herself with a confidence much like her mother but without the bitch factor. "Come in."

"I'm allowed in your room now? Are you a pod-person like mom and dad?" she asks, coming in and sitting down beside me on the bed.

"God, it's weird isn't it?"

"Yeah. I mean, at first I was pissed when Mom shipped me off and Dad took off, but after a couple of weeks I was really glad to be out of this place. It's like a bubble, there's so much more to life than the fucking Newport elite, you know?"

"Wow, Kaity, you really liked school, didn't you?" My baby sister hasn't talked to me like this in years. After the divorce, she'd barely tolerate me and my overdose and schizo boyfriend hadn't helped our relationship.

To my surprise, she leans back and splays her arms across the bed. "I don't want to go back, Marissa. You had all those problems with Ryan and Luke and Oliver, even though I told you he was batshit, and I never understood any of it, but…I can't go back to school…"

For a minute I think she's losing her mind because I don't understand any of that. Then I look at her sad face and unkempt ponytail. "What's his name?"

"Britt. He's such a dick. God, I liked him so much, we snuck out and went to this concert and he kissed me in the parking lot…it was so nice, 'Rissa…" she smiles.

I lean back and lie beside her. This is just what I need right now. No gunshots, no tears, no blood. Lighthearted and innocent memories.

"What happened?"

"This bitch, Lauren, she transferred in and her dad's some kind of senator or something and she's got a guitar. A fucking guitar. So Britt…Britt said goodbye to me and then was on the cover of the school paper the next day with Lauren and her fucking guitar…"

"I'm so sorry, Kaity. Britt's a dick."

"Yeah. So, it'll be like a new start for me this summer. What about you? Did you…did you really shoot somebody?"

"It's…it wasn't like that…"

"I heard Dad talking to Mom and he said you had to do it and that he was proud of you. I just don't get how he loves you so much that you can shoot a guy and still not get into trouble and I'm grounded for getting a little piercing…" Kaitlyn sighs.

"You got a piercing?"

She lifts her shirt and shows a cute little stud in her navel.

"Cute, Kaity. And…and I did shoot someone…" Its different telling it to my little sister and not to a policeman. It's more important now. "But…it's complicated."

"Tell me, then. Everybody's talking about it and I'd like to hear it from you instead of those little Newport bitches," Kaity says, oddly concerned.

"You remember Ryan, right?"

"You're back with Ryan? I bet Mom flipped," Kaity grins.

I laugh. "Not so much. She's a pod, I think, like you said…" She motions with her hands for me to go on. "Ryan and I got back together…and he had this brother that got out of jail that came to stay in Newport too…"

"Hot felon? This is getting interesting…." she giggles.

"At first it was fine, but Trey, that's Ryan's brother…and you can't tell anyone about this, okay? Not mom or dad, nobody, all right?"

Kaity nods emphatically, sensing the seriousness.

"When Ryan went out of town, Trey…he tried to attack me…he tried…"

"Oh, god, did he rape you? You should've shot the bastard!" she exclaims.

"No, no, he didn't get that far, I hit him and ran away…and I didn't tell anyone…and when Ryan found out, he went over to Trey's…"

"I hope he kicked his ass," she says, taking my hand impulsively. "That sucks…"

"Well, I didn't want Ryan to get hurt so when Seth called, I went over…Trey, he was killing Ryan and I had to do something…"

"God, Rissa, I didn't know…I know everyone thinks I'm still a kid…but no more than you are…that's so awful…are you all right?"

"I'm fine. It…it was really scary."

"I won't tell anyone about what he tried to do to you…that's so awful, though…"

"Enough about me. I want to hear more about your year," I say. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

"But…"

"It's still pretty raw, Kaity."

"Oh, I get it. But I'm here now and it would be really cool if I could hang out with you a little…we could fight off the Newport bitches together…"

"Sounds like a plan," I say, embracing her. I've missed having a sister, I don't know if I've ever really considered how precious it is to have another person that knows what it's like to grow up with Julie the bitch and Jimmy the thief.

I still can't imagine what Ryan's going through knowing that he's lost his brother. Another link to his past severed.

* * *

"Marissa?" 

"Hey, baby," I smile, glancing at my clock. Ten a.m. He hadn't called last night. I'd finally fallen asleep between Summer and my sister watching old Valley DVD's. They must've left sometime in the night.

"Hey. Do you think you can come over?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Just…Sandy and I have been arguing all morning and he left with Seth and I'm not supposed to go anywhere…but I don't really want to be alone either…"

"I'll be right over, Ryan, just give me a chance to get a shower and change and I'll be there."

"I'll be in the big house. I'll make us lunch."

"Why are you fighting with Sandy?"

"I…it's nothing. I'm being stupid. But I want to make dinner so I can, sort of, make amends. Are you in? Mind hanging out with a bitchy boyfriend?"

"Have a cup of coffee and think about what you're going to cook for me and we'll talk."

He's trying to be flippant and upbeat, but I can hear what he's not saying. He's hurting. He hates arguing with Sandy and in his depressed state; it had to be pretty important for him to actually argue about it. I have to go to him. He called me, I have to go. He's always come for me.

"Thanks. I'll see you soon."

I take a long shower despite my urgency. I want to be pretty for him. I want to be my best even though it doesn't matter to me. He's seen me almost dead in an alley, he's seen me strung out in the hospital, he's seen me in every way. I have to be prepared for anything.

I go for comfort though when I'm getting dressed. I pick a loose blue cotton skirt and a frilly pink tank top with my favorite sneakers.

"Marissa? Where are you going?" Dad stops me by the front door with a newspaper in his hand. Even though he doesn't work with money anymore, he still reads the stock market page every day. At least there's some small stability in her life.

"Over to see Ryan. I'll call if I'll be late, but I'm probably having dinner over there…"

"Honey, we've barely had time to talk about what happened…how you're doing. How about you stay home today?"

I hear the click of my mother's heels and she appears and I can tell that she heard what he said. She gives me a pointed look.

"I'm sorry, Dad, I just need to be with Ryan. He's really upset and he's home all alone. If it was me, you wouldn't want me to be alone, would you?" I look into his eyes with my best pleading look.

Of course he gives in and my mother smiles at me from behind him. She needs another day to sink her claws into Dad further and I've just given it to her.

But he's a big boy. I don't want him meddling in my life so I'm not going to meddle in his. I learned last year that my parents are going to do what they want.

"Be careful. And call if you're going to be past eleven, okay?"

"Thanks, Daddy," I say, embracing him. He's a good dad most of the time.

I hurry to my car and the drive the short distance to Ryan's house. I'm too rushed to even turn on the radio, it's all I can do to keep the speedometer under 85. The driveway's empty and the door's closed so I ring the doorbell.

"Hey," he grins, flashing his teeth as he opens the door. He's in a pair of torn jeans hanging low on his hips and a wife-beater with a whole in the collar.

His bruises have darkened but he's still beautiful to me. I put my fingers on his cheek and trace his jaw. He's got a little stubble but as I kiss him, I like the feeling of it brushing against my cheeks.

"Nice to see you, too," I say when we finally separate. I didn't expect him to be so…happy to see me. I thought he was upset, but…

He puts his rough hands on my elbows and spins me toward the stairs as he kicks the door closed. "I know I promised you lunch, but the truth is…I think I'm hungrier than you are and…I really need to do this right now…"

I let him guide me a couple of steps before he puts one hand on my back and lowers me to sit on the stairs.

"Can I…" he starts, his eyes twinkling as his fingers took the hem of my skirt.

"Ryan, what…"

He pushed my skirt up and I felt his tongue licking at the thin fabric of my thong. My hips bucked automatically. I take back whatever I said about boys being instinctively trained to fuck because my body wants him inside me…

He pushes the fabric aside finally and his tongue begins to lap at my juices. I can't stop myself, he's…god, its so fucking hot and I put my hands on his head, trying to get him to go faster, deeper…

His hands settle on my breasts and he begins to squeeze them gently as he probes deeper with his tongue, driving me wild. His thumbs flick across my nipples and I cry out as I climax with his tongue still inside me.

He keeps licking me, his tongue tracing my inner thighs before leaning back and looking at me. "Thanks…I needed to do that…"

"Ryan…" I push myself up on my elbows and he leans back further against the wall. I can see his hard-on pressing against his jeans. I make my way to him and lace my legs around him, crossing my ankles behind his ass as he leans forward to kiss me. I taste myself on him and it just makes me more convinced that I want to fuck his brains out until we pass out.

I don't stop kissing him but my hand finds his crotch and I squeeze it in anticipation. He moans into my mouth and I unzip his jeans.

"Still commando…just how I like it," I laugh as I grip him firmly in my hand.

"It was laundry day," he says, breathing hard.

I fumble in his pockets with my free hand until I find a condom. He was expecting me.

I stroke his dick and watch as his face twists in pleasure. "Open your eyes, baby," I hear myself saying. I put the opened condom in my mouth and adjust myself so I can lower my mouth to his cock.

"God…"

I roll the rubber over his cock with my mouth and I swear it gets bigger as I force myself to let it slip down my throat so I can secure it at the base of his cock.

Before he can respond, I release it from my mouth and replace my legs around him and lower myself onto his full length.

He puts both hands on my ass and controls our rhythm, and we fuck each other desperately, it's the only way to describe it, we were fucking. My skirt was hiked up and my panties pushed aside and he was still in his jeans, only his cock exposed and it was buried in my pussy so it really didn't count.

"Kiss me…" he whispers and I wrap my arms around him and it's like we're connected, we're completely together in our frantic thrusts and as he grunts into my mouth I feel myself climax harder than ever before, I swear I see stars and my heart's beating entirely too fast for it to be normal.

We stay like that for a while. Sitting entwined in the floor, kissing each other in the afterglow, both of us a little too spent to get up. I'm dizzy when he finally turns his face away and buries his face into my shoulder.

I put my hand on the back of his head and run my fingers through his hair. "What happened today, baby?"

"They went to see Kirsten. I didn't want to go. Sandy couldn't understand my decision and I couldn't put it into words…and they left, both pissed at me…and I…I just needed to see someone that isn't going to judge me right now…"

"I'm not going to judge you…" But I'm definitely thinking. Why wouldn't he want to see Kirsten? There's obviously some stuff he's not telling me. He loves Kirsten.

"Let's go get cleaned up. I still have to make you lunch," he says.

"Can we get cleaned up together? You look like you're still in a lot of pain…let me play nursemaid for a while?"

His eyes flash with a smile.

If he needs the distraction, I'm going to give it to him. We'll have time to talk, but right now I feel like I need to get as close to him as he'll let me. We'll talk later.

He puts both hands behind me and keeps my legs wrapped around him as he gets to his feet. "Shower it is."

* * *

After another mind-blowing interlude in the shower, I settle down on one of the stools, sore but sated. Ryan was chopping something at the far end of the counter and it was hot watching him cook. He moved with such skill, such confidence. 

"What are you making me?"

"Well, right now, I'm chopping the mushrooms for a pizza. You like pizza, right?"

God, Ryan's pizzas are heavenly. My mouth's watering just thinking about it.

He laughs. "Good. I know you like mushrooms and I'm putting on a lot of cheese, it should be ready in about half an hour."

"I can't believe you make pizza homemade."

"Frozen crust and tomato sauce," he says, his voice husky as he leans in for a kiss.

"It's still homemade," I insist. No one brought it to him, ready to eat. That's homemade.

He smiles. I love it when he smiles.

I'm avoiding the inevitable, though. "Ryan…will you tell me why you didn't want to see Kirsten?"

He hesitates and a flash of annoyance runs across his face but it's replaced with regret. "I…did I tell you about the intervention?"

I shake my head. I haven't heard about an intervention. Harsh.

"We all cornered her, with the rehab guy and we had to tell her how her drinking was hurting us and how we wanted her to get help…"

"God, Ryan…"

"And before I could even say anything, she said…she said that I wasn't allowed to say anything because she let me in this house…like I'm nothing to her, Marissa…and I know it was just the alcohol, the hurt talking, and I still love her…god, she's like a mother to me…but I didn't want to see her. I mean, it was like two of the people that I really trusted me fucked me over these past few days…I just wanted a break…"

"I get it." And I do. Kirsten hurt him. How could he explain that to Sandy when Sandy loved Kirsten so much? I get off my stool and walk over and take the knife from him and take both his hands. "Hey. I get it."

"You don't think I'm being cruel to her? I mean…don't I get a break, too? I just…I need a day off, Marissa…"

"We've got it. Your day off. Come on. We'll eat pizza and lock the poolhouse down and fuck like rabbits until the neighbors call the police," I offer. I have to make him feel better.

"I wish I could, but…I should do something to apologize to Sandy. He's pretty angry and…I don't want to fight with him…we'll have pizza, start dinner…maybe take a break in the hot tub and then…" he smiles. "We'll be stress free by the time they get home."

"The hot tub? Ryan, the Cohens have probably…" I start. He wrinkles his face in disgust.

"Never mind…"

"How about just a break…we'll pick the location later, all right?"

"Deal. Now, I have to put the pizza in the oven. Go put some music on," he smiles.

He's so sweet. But so fragile. He's in so much pain but everyone's so used to seeing him as indestructible that they're not catching on.

But I'm here for him. I'll hold him together.

* * *


	3. Three

We finish preparing dinner around eight with no sign of Sandy or Seth.

I can tell Ryan's tired and he has circles under his eyes so when he falls asleep with his head on my shoulder, I'm careful not to disturb him.

I hear the key in the lock and after a moment, Sandy and Seth walk in. "Hey, guys. How's Kirsten?"

"Better. What's that I smell?" Seth asks.

"Ryan made dinner. Must've worn him out," I answer. He's definitely worn out. He hasn't even stirred from beside me.

"Marissa, I need to talk to Ryan for a few minutes, do you mind going with Seth?"

"Sure." I shake Ryan gently and he smiles at me before registering their presence.

"We have to talk," Sandy says. Ryan nods solemnly and watches me walk away.

I follow Seth up the stairs but he stops at the top and puts his fingers to his lips. I sit beside him and realize that from just the right angle you can see the top of Ryan's head on the couch. And we can hear everything.

"How was she?" Ryan asks.

"Don't ask me that. If you cared, you'd have gone with us…" Sandy fires back.

Seth winces at his father's words, shaking his head.

"How can you say that to me? God, Sandy…I love her…"

"But you won't help her, you won't give her a second chance?"

"That's not what this is about…I couldn't go with you today, it had nothing to do with how I feel about Kirsten…"

"I don't get you, kid…after all that's happened…"

"Fuck you, Sandy."

Seth and I gasp at the same time and cover our mouths.

"I needed some space, all right? I couldn't go today because I'm fucking losing my mind and nobody seems to give a damn and I don't have anything left to give to you, Sandy, I've given everything I have…I can't hold it together anymore, not even for Kirsten and I hate that I have to feel guilty for that…"

"Ryan…" Sandy whispers.

"Stay the hell away from me."

Ryan's head disappears and after a moment, we hear the door to the patio slam shut.

"This is worse than I thought," Seth whispers to me.

I nod. He's fucking right. This is way worse.

* * *

I tell Sandy and Seth good night but before I go to my car, I sneak around the side of the house and knock on the poolhouse door. "It's Marissa…"

He opens the door and looks at me with bloodshot eyes. "Did you hear all that?"

"I heard…" Then I see the bag over his arm. "Where are you going?"

"Out. I…I can't be here anymore. I can't deal with Sandy hanging over me…I…I'm sorry that I can't get over this in a timely fashion that suits his schedule…I think I'll get a hotel…"

"Come on. We'll figure something out."

He helped me escape from a hospital before and he needs somebody on his side right now. I know that Sandy's only trying to do his best, but it's not working. My parents are misguided about 95 percent of the time when they're trying to do the right thing. Sandy's parenting is not what he needs right now.

He follows me to the car and soon we are on the highway.

"I know I'm flipping out…I just… you had to shoot him, Marissa…you had to shoot my brother to save my life…I keep putting you in danger, I keep being in danger…"

I pull the car over and lean over to take his hands. He's really broken. I never thought I'd see him like this. Shattered. "Hey. You just need some rest and you can start figuring this out. I don't want you at a hotel."

"Well, I can't stay with you, your mom would have a conniption."

I pull out my phone. "There might be another option." I dial my father's number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Dad."

"Hey, Marissa. What's going on?"

"I was wondering if I could ask you a big favor."

"Name it."

I squeeze Ryan's hand. My dad's always liked Ryan. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important…but since you're staying with Mom…isn't your boat empty?"

"Yes, but since when do you care about my boat?" he asks, but I can tell he's still smiling.

"A friend needs a place to crash for the night."

"A friend." There's a long pause. "Is Ryan okay?"

"No." I glance at Ryan to see if he's following our conversation.

"Oh. Does Sandy know where he is?"

"No."

"Oh. You're not going to run off with him or elope or anything, are you?"

"No. I promise."

"Okay. The keys under the lantern on deck. Try not to make a mess and call me in the morning."

"What about…"

"I'll handle your mother. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

"You're doing it. Thanks." I close the phone and smile at him. "We can stay on my Dad's boat."

"Does he know it's me?" Ryan asks.

"Yeah. He trusts me. He trusts me with you," I answer him. He doesn't say anything for a long time and I think I've lost him.

Finally he nods. "Okay. Thanks. Tell him I said thanks."

"I will. Have you ever slept on a boat before?"

"Nope."

I let the car lapse into silence and he leans up to turn on the radio. His hand finds mine again over the gearshift and he squeezes it. "Thanks."

"Any time. But will you do me a favor, though?"

"Sure," he agrees before I tell him what it is.

"Will you call Sandy and tell him you're safe? Please?"

He hedges, lowering his gaze and pulling his hand away. "Marissa…"

"You'd make me do the same thing and my mother's Julie Cooper," I remind him.

He sighs but I can see the smile in his eyes. He holds out his hand and I pass him my phone as I pull back onto the highway. "He probably doesn't even know I'm gone," he mutters.

He covers his face and I watch him furtively as I drive. I can't read him at all. But I think this is Ryan at his core. Usually he's either tough guy Ryan, or saintly-do-gooder Ryan or sheep Ryan, but this…this is a boy I don't know much about. Vulnerable. All his emotions so close to the surface that he can't stop them from bubbling over from the slightest pressure.

"Hey," Ryan says. "I'm…I left."

I can hear Sandy's voice through the tiny speaker but I can't make out his words. I can tell his voice is raised.

"I just wanted to tell you…but I see that it was a bad idea to call…bye…" He closed the phone with a snap and held it clenched in his fist.

I park at the marina and take the bag off his lap. "Come on. Let's get settled in for the night."

"You can stay?"

"I wouldn't leave you all alone, Ryan. Not tonight"

He follows me to the boat and we make our way on board. I find the key and flip on the light on the inside. It's small but there's a large bed and a miniature kitchen and bathroom. It's clean to be a bachelor pad, but my dad always was a little anal.

"Nice. I've never seen this before," he says, following me down.

"I mean, it's tiny, but it's just him so he doesn't need a lot of stuff."

Ryan nods. "I could totally see myself on a boat like this. Sailing off to parts unknown with nothing to do but lie on deck and fish or something…"

I wrap my arms around him. "Hey, if I go with you, we can totally be like Joey and Pacey on Dawson's Creek…"

"Oh, so you watch the Valley and Dawson's Creek?" He grins.

"So?" I lean forward and kiss him hard on the lips.

We kiss for a few minutes, not talking. But I can't let this whole night go by without talking. "Ryan?"

"Hmm?" He starts kissing my neck.

"Can we talk first? Like…try?"

"Okay," he whispers, stepping back.

"No, Ryan, like, don't get upset. I just…you've had a really hard night and I know you need to talk about it." I go to him and take his wrists, pulling him to sit beside me on the bed. "I want us to be together, god, all the time, but it's not going to change the fact that you need to talk. Talk to me."

"About what?"

"Whatever. About Sandy. About Seth. Kirsten, Trey, I don't care, but I heard you talking to Sandy and I know that there's stuff on your mind."

He glares at me but his eyes aren't angry. He clenches his fist and stares at the floor, leaning forward. I put my hand on his back and he's completely tense.

"I can't talk to Sandy. He's expecting me to be able to put on a happy face and visit Kirsten but I can't. He's expecting me to testify against my brother in open court. He's expecting me to be able to call my mother, who's also back in jail, and tell her everything. I…I'm tired. I can barely look at myself in the mirror, how does he expect me to face all these people…"

I wrap my arms around him because I don't want to see him cry. "I'm so sorry…I didn't know…"

"I just want a little bit of time to put my head back together and…he's so pissed at me…I can't deal with it, I can't deal with anything else…"

"Okay, Ryan…you don't have to deal with anything right now. Lie down, I'll put some music on and we can just…relax."

He sighs heavily but starts to unlace his shoes.

The radio comes on immediately, to Newport's only classic rock station. Sadly, I have to leave it because Ryan loves the old shit. Seth and I haven't been able to completely convert him over to the latest music.

"Have I told you how great you are today?" he asks when I turn back to face him.

"I love hearing it again, even if you have," I say, sitting down beside him.

"How are you doing? With…everything?"

He's so caught up in his own stuff but he's still making a point to ask about me. This is why I love him. "I'm actually doing okay. I mean, I have nightmares, but my sister's home and that's…really nice."

"Kaitlyn?"

I nod. "She's grown a lot. It's nice having a little sister again…"

He's smiling. Listening.

"And your mom and dad…that's cool with you?"

"I can't really do anything about it. So I'm going to take it for what it is," I shrug.

"Cool," he replies.

"I'm actually, sort of tired…" I admit.

"God, me, too, the rocking of this boat is like rocking me right to sleep," Ryan laughs.

"I'll leave the radio on. It kind of reminds me of being a little kid and playing with my mom and dad in the backyard."

"Me, too," he grins. Something else we share.

I change into a pair of sweatpants and a tank top and I smile when I see him watching me.

"Guess what?" he says.

"What?"

"I knew I'd be sleeping in a strange place, so I put on underwear."

Oh. He thinks he's funny.

* * *

"Stop…no…don't…"

I sit up and blink. The lights are all still on but I'd fallen asleep. Ryan's tangled in the sheets, struggling.

"Ryan, Ryan, wake up…"

He sits up with a jolt as soon as I touch him.

"It was just a bad dream, Ryan…you okay?"

He's breathing hard and it takes a few moments for his face to relax as he gets his bearings. "Yeah. I'm okay."

"Let's get up for a minute, okay? Get some air. It's a little stuffy in here," I say. He nods gratefully and we both get out of bed. He pulls on his jeans and I grab his jacket from his bag. There always seems to be a breeze blowing when I'm on the deck of my dad's boat.

I think we're both surprised when the sun's up.

"I wonder what time it is? I'm not good at telling by the sun unless it's straight up," he smiles.

"I don't know. There's a clock inside." I take a deep breath and he wraps his arms around me.

"Thanks. For this. I don't know what I'd be doing right now if it wasn't for you."

"I'm here for you. You've always been there for me and…I love the fact that you're letting me be here for you now."

He kisses my neck and I close my eyes.

"Does your dad have any food on this boat? You want some breakfast?"

"Let's check it out."

The kitchen's fully stocked but I don't feel like cooking so we turn on the small TV and sit down to enjoy cereal and instant coffee.

"How does he have cable on a boat?" Ryan asks.

"I learned to stop asking questions when I heard the toilet flush for the first time."

He laughs but sobers quickly.

"Can I ask you something and you won't get mad?"

"Sure."

"Why didn't you tell me about Kirsten? About the intervention?"

"There really wasn't time…between the Bait Shop and the whole Trey shit…" he replies. After a moment he adds, "And I didn't know how you'd feel about it."

I nod.

"How do you feel about it?" he asks.

"I…God, Ryan, she crashed her car and it still didn't stop her from drinking…but an intervention?" Having my family and friends corner me and expose all my faults? God, that would be horrifying.

"I didn't even know she had a real problem…she hid it, and when Sandy came to me…he wouldn't go that far if he didn't think it was necessary…I had to support him…"

"She had no right to say what she said, though, but…you know she didn't mean it, right?"

"I don't know anything anymore, Marissa. I really don't."

We sit in silence.

"I've been writing her letters."

"Kirsten?"

"Yeah. When I got back from Chino…Kirsten told me that since Teresa wouldn't take my calls that I should try writing to her. That it was easier for someone to block a number than it would be for them to throw a handwritten letter away."

Teresa. He wrote her letters. God. I'm not touching that right now, but we're going to have to have a little talk once he's feeling better. Letters. He never wrote me letters.

But I never lost his baby.

"So, I've been writing her letters and sending them to the center."

"Did you tell Sandy that?"

"No. It's none of his business. If Kirsten wants to tell him, she can tell him. I mean, he's not telling her about the whole stuff with Trey, so why should I go out of my way to tell him anything? He's using his judgment and I'm using mine," he says quietly. He puts his spoon down. "I'm not hungry anymore."

"Ryan…"

"It's not you, it's me. I feel like I'm contradicting myself with everything I say," he mutters, running a hand through his hair and getting up to wash his bowl.

The boat starts to rock slightly and we hear footsteps on deck.

"Sandy, don't you think you're being too hard on the kid?"

"I know he's in a bad place, Jimmy, but I can't help him if he won't talk to me. I refuse to be punished for misreading him. He's old enough that we should be able to talk out our problems without him being childish and running away to throw a tantrum."

Ryan's whole posture has changed. He's completely shut down. He starts gathering his things and stuffing them in a bag.

I don't say anything. I don't even know what to say.

"I'm certainly not father of the year, Sandy, and I don't know anything about having boys…but don't you think that you should lighten up just a tad? Is punishing him and being a hardass really going to work with Ryan?" My dad asks. They're right outside the door now so even though they've lowered their voices, we can still hear every word.

Ryan zips up his bag and puts it over his shoulder. He sits down beside me again and I take his hand.

"Ryan doesn't really understand anything else," Sandy answers. Ryan flinches.

There's a knock.

Ryan gets up and goes to the door, swinging it open. He doesn't say anything; he doesn't look away from Sandy's face until he squeezes past my dad and up the stairs.

"Ryan, don't you walk away from me!" Sandy calls after a beat.

My dad steps in and gives me an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. I couldn't lie to him, he was really worried."

"It's okay. But he's wrong. About what Ryan needs right now…"

"I know. But it's not our place to say," he replies. I know he's said it anyway because I heard him talking. I give him a hug and we start to shut the boat down.

As we're closing the door, we both hear Sandy's voice. "Get in the car."

"I'll sit in the back. Do you want to cuff me first?" Ryan snaps.

* * *


	4. Four

Dad takes me home and lucky for us, Mom's nowhere to be seen.

"So. We haven't really had a chance to talk. Just the two of us," Daddy says, following me into my room.

"How are you doing? I mean, you just sort of jumped right back into Mom, didn't you?"

He winces but I don't think I'm being crass. I'm being serious. "I know it seems sudden…but we love each other."

"I want you to be happy, Dad. I just wish…I wish a lot of things. I wish I believed that you could be happy with her again."

"I know this is hard on you and Kaitlyn…"

"We're big girls, Dad," I reply. I wonder if Ryan and Sandy are having a parent-child talk right now. I wonder if Sandy listens better than my dad.

"How are you doing, honey? With everything?"

I shrug. "Bad dreams. But it helps when Ryan's with me…it helps to take care of someone else, you know? I've never really been good at that…but just making him better…makes me feel a little better about what happened."

"I'm glad you're there for him…"

"He's there for me, too, Dad. He always has been."

"I know. He's a good kid."

I don't know if I should be telling him this, but I feel like I need to. "We heard you and Sandy talking. When you got on the boat. And believe it or now, Ryan talks to me. Sandy's way off base about what's upsetting Ryan."

Dad nods. "I know. But he's so upset about Kirsten that he's not really thinking straight right now."

"Can I call him?"

"I think you better wait until he calls you, sweetie. Sandy…they need some time to work things out."

My phone rang and my dad patted my knee and left so I could answer it.

"Hello?"

"Coop. What is happening at Casa Cohen?"

"I don't know. Sandy's being a jackass to Ryan…"

"Seth, too, Sandy won't let him see Ryan and you know how crazy Seth gets…want to sneak in?"

"I think it might be a little soon for that."

"Well…we do need a little boy break for a while…want to go shopping?"

Summer always knows how to cheer me up. "Of course. Pick me up?"

**

* * *

**Summer and I shop until our feet are sore but we can't take the suspense anymore so we head over to the Cohens right after the mall. 

"So. What's up between Kirsten and Ryan in your opinion?" Summer asks me once we're pulling out of the parking lot.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I know Kirsten said something nasty to Ryan, but one of the reasons Seth and Sandy are upset was that when they went to see her, she didn't mention Ryan at all. She didn't ask him where he was, she didn't respond to anything that had to do with him. It was like…he didn't exist to her, according to Seth," Summer confesses.

"Really?" I don't want to believe it. Especially when he's been writing her letters. Surely she can't be that cold. Kirsten can't be that much like my mother.

"So? Has he said anything?"

"No." I can't tell Summer. He told me in confidence. And I don't know what he wrote in those letters. What if he was mean?

Ryan wouldn't be mean to her, though.

"Don't think too hard about your answer," Summer snarked.

"Sorry. Got a lot on my mind."

"Shopping helped a little, though, right?"

"Yeah, Summer. Thanks for getting me out of the house," I tell her honestly.

She pulls onto the Cohen's street. "Ready for the war zone?"

"It's not a war zone. Sandy and Ryan will work it out."

"What if they don't? I mean…if it comes down to it, Sandy's going to choose Kirsten. What's going to happen if they can't work it out?" Summer asked seriously

"Summer…they love each other. They'll work it out." They have to.

"Seth's worried, too," Summer adds, parking behind Sandy's beamer.

I start to knock but Seth pulls the door open first, his finger to his lips. We follow him inside.

"They're talking. Not yelling but talking…it's a good sign," he whispers.

"Upstairs?" Summer asks and we follow Seth to the same place I eavesdropped with him the night before.

"So. You ready to talk to me?" Sandy asks in a low voice.

"Are you ready to listen?" Ryan replies. He sounds worse than when I left him. Defeated.

"Yes. I'm listening, Ryan."

There was a long moment of silence. I know it's weird for us to be eavesdropping on this conversation, but after Summer's little question in the car, I think we all need Sandy and Ryan to make up. Sandy and Ryan at odds put all our world's a little off-kilter.

I hold my breath because Ryan still hasn't said anything. Ryan has to talk to him. He has to.

"I feel like you're expecting too much from me…and I want to be back to normal, I want you to be able to depend on me, I want to go back to being the same person I was a week ago…but I can't. I almost died, Sandy…and once again, I've lost people that are important to me, I lost my brother, the last connection I have to my life before here, sixteen years of having a brother, just gone and my girlfriend had to shoot him to keep from killing me, and Kirsten, another mother who's been pushed to drink…It's…I'm not equipped to handle everything at once…"

"Okay…"

"No, it's not okay!" Ryan hisses. "You've always held me to a higher standard, I'm supposed to be mature and handle things but I'm…I can't right now, I can't do everything that you want me to do…I can't…"

"I'm sorry, Ryan…" Sandy says his voice laced with concern

Seth exhales, visibly relieved. "That sounds more like my dad," he whispers.

"I've been slammed with Kirsten gone and all of Caleb's affairs are in my lap and I have to admit, all this stuff with Trey just blindsided me…I'm sorry I didn't realize what you've been going through, I misinterpreted everything…I'm sorry…"

Ryan doesn't respond immediately. "I am not angry at Kirsten. Upset, but not angry. And we're working it out."

Seth thumps my shoulder. "What?" he mouths at me.

"Listen," Summer hisses.

"How?" Sandy asks downstairs.

"I…I don't trust myself to talk to her face to face…I'd probably just start crying and not be able to stop because that's what I feel like right now…but I write her letters. I put one in her bad before she left. The doctor said it was okay…and I've been mailing her a letter every day."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sandy asks, not accusatory, but confused.

"Why didn't she tell you?" Ryan counters. "I mean, she writes me back…it's easier than talking and pretending everything's fine…and you pissed me off so I didn't feel the need to tell you. You were quick to think the worst."

"How can we make this right between us? What can I do for you?" Sandy whispers finally, conceding that he'd been wrong.

"I need you not to be angry at me."

"You got it," Sandy replied.

"I can't testify against Trey."

"What?" Seth gasps aloud. Summer shoves him and pulls us both to our feet and tugs us into Seth's bedroom.

"He's got to testify, he's got to want to punish Trey, I mean, what if Trey gets out?" Seth demands.

And Summer looks at me. "Coop…"

"No, no…it's not something I'm going to consider," I reply. But it is something I should consider. Trey. Getting out. He's got to be pissed at me. I shot him.

Trey's mean. I don't want him to get out.

"Stupid Cohen," Summer shoves him and it snaps me alert again.

"Sorry, Marissa…but…" Seth sucks at apologies.

"If it was Ryan or your dad, could you really get up on the witness stand and put them in jail? With them looking right at you? Hell no, you couldn't. You weren't even going to face down your mom at her intervention, you can't judge him for not wanting to testify," Summer says in a rant.

Seth is silent.

She puts things in a new perspective. Could I lock my mom away? Or my sister? Even if they did try to kill me…it wouldn't make it any easier for me to stare them down and tell the world.

But Trey…he's dangerous. What if he gets out?

The door opens and Ryan steps in. "You guys are shitty eavesdroppers." He smiles at me and I forget all about Trey. His eyes are so blue. "I'm taking it you heard all that?"

Seth nods. I can't tell at first, but then I realize that Ryan's angry. Really angry.

"I don't appreciate you airing my dirty laundry to people outside the family. It actually pisses me off a whole lot, no offense to the ladies," Ryan says slowly, turning to Seth. "You're a fucking asshole for that. You don't respect anyone's privacy but your own and you better believe that I'll remember that next time you tell me something in confidence."

Seth's speechless and Summer's turned bright red.

"You want to come out to the poolhouse, Marissa? Where we can have a little privacy?" Ryan asks, turning to me. I'm too stricken to deny him so I get up and follow him out of the room.

"Don't you think you were a little harsh on him?" I ask quietly once we're outside.

"Maybe. But he needs to think twice before he broadcasts my life to the whole fucking town. If I had wanted you or Summer to know that stuff, I would have told you. If I'd wanted him to know, I would have told him."

He should be relaxed and relieved now that he's settled things with Sandy, but he's still so angry, so upset. I don't even want to bring up the subject of testifying against Trey because I don't want him to be angry at me.

Once we reach the poolhouse, he steps inside and takes a deep breath. It's almost like he deflates in front of me.

"You okay?"

"No." He turns and silently takes me in his arms, putting his arms around me tightly. I rub his back as he buries his face in my shoulder.

"I'm still here for you, Ryan…even if you're angry at the world, even if you're angry at me…I'm still here…"

"Thanks," he whispers, pulling back slightly and kissing my lips softly.

Maybe he just needs a little stress relief. I let my hands find their way to his belt. "Want to clear your head?"

"Are you talking dirty to me?" he smiles. I step away and lock the door. The blinds are all open and we're really exposed.

"Bathroom doesn't have windows," he says, taking my hand.

We split up at the counter and enter through different doors. We've done this before so we know it's faster if we lock the doors separately.

I pull my shirt off quickly and step out of my new shorts.

He turns away from his door and his eyes widen in surprise. He's so cute when he's surprised and I know that I need this just as much as him.

Damn. I don't know when I got so fucking sex-hungry, with Luke it was like a chore and DJ was just a fling, he never touched me like Ryan does and Alex, well, it was mostly just play…not like Ryan.

"So, Ryan…what's the answer to the ten million dollar question?" I ask, dipping my head like I'm going to kiss him but going for his neck instead, sucking the one spot of unbruised flesh into my mouth. I'm the only person that should be allowed to mark his skin.

"I…I don't know," he says, turning to jelly in my hands. I guide him to lean against the counter and I sink to my knees on the plush bathroom rug. I unbuckle his belt and jerk his pants around his ankles, freeing his hard-on and taking it in my mouth immediately. No underwear again. I win.

"Fuck…" he groans and I swear his cock gets bigger in my mouth. I feel a twitch down below and I know my nipples stiffen when he puts his hands on my head.

"I never want you to wear underwear," I say when I release him from my mouth and give his balls a quick lick.

"I won't if you won't," he replies as I grip him in my hand and get to my feet.

He unclasps my bra releasing my breasts and taking them in his hands. I can't stop from crying out as he runs my nipples under his thumb before sucking one into his mouth. I stroke his cock slowly. He feels so good, throbbing in my hand, he's alive and he's real and he's fucking beautiful…

"I want to be inside you," he murmurs, turning his attention to my neglected breast.

"Condom?" I manage, my knees weak again. I sink to my knees as he fumbles behind him on the counter of the bathroom.

"I don't…I can't find…"

But his dick's in my mouth again and I don't care that he doesn't have a condom because he's inside me. I use my hand to work the base of his cock as I suck the first four inches, running my tongue around the head. I love making him moan and he's moaning when he bucks his hips, pushing more of himself into my mouth.

"Touch yourself," he purrs and I take him deeper into my mouth and put my fingers around my thong into my own pussy.

I know he's close so I stroke myself faster. I can't believe I'm masturbating in front of him, but since his cock's in my mouth, I don't think I have anything to be embarrassed about.

He stops and pulls my head away. "Lie down…"

I lean backwards and he crouched over me, his dick throbbing across my stomach. He takes my hand and wraps it around his cock and then slides two fingers into my wetness.

He pumps his fingers in and out of my center and I mimic his strokes with my hand. I've got my other hand behind me, holding me up so I can watch him while he massages my tits with his other hand, thrusting against my hand and stomach. It's oddly erotic to be fucking in sync without being having him inside me but I lose my breath as his rhythm stutters suddenly and he ejaculates violently across my stomach. It's so fucking hot that I feel a wave of heat knock my hand from under me as I shudder with my own climax.

He slides his arm under me and stretches out beside me on the floor.

He kisses my neck, lazily holding my breast in one of his hands. "You fucking devastate me…"

"What?"

"You're so hot and…knowing that you're with me…you kill me a little every day…"

I'm not sure what he means but he his mouth reaches mine suddenly and he tastes so good…

"I love the way you taste…the way you love…I love the way you're staying with me even though I'm a huge prick this week…"

"Huge prick? You suck at talking dirty," I whisper. I can't take him getting deep right now…I just want him to be with me. We can talk later. No matter what we say, I want to be with him now.

**

* * *

**"My back is killing me." 

His voice startles me awake and I realize that we're still in the bathroom.

"Let's get out of here, I need some air," I nod. We find our clothes and clean up a little. I think we're both a little tired because he's leaning on me when we walk out together.

On the window of the poolhouse, someone has scrawled with black marker. "IM SORRY! DAD KNOWS YOURE NEKKID TXT ME WHEN YOUR NOT MAD"

"Seth. God, I hope he didn't use permanent marker," Ryan says. He glances at me and we both collapse into laughter. It's been a long time since I've laughed that fucking hard.

"I'll call Summer," I say when I finally catch my breath. I realize my purse is inside when I see him picking up the poolhouse phone with a grin.

We both jump when someone bangs on the window. My very angry best friend is outside motioning toward the doorknob and trying desperately to get it to open.

I get up first and unlock the door and she rushes inside, slamming the door. "Horny bitches are not cool!" Summer snaps, slapping my arm painfully. She points at Ryan. "I'd hit you too if you didn't look like a POW already," she says.

"I'm going to apologize to Seth," Ryan protests.

"Good, but that's not why I'm angry. God!" She throws her hands up in frustration. "You just made up with Sandy, why would you do something like this to make him angry again, you know he has the sex alarm and all…"

"Summer what the hell are you talking about?" I ask, taking both her arms to calm her down.

"Sandy knows you guys were getting funky in the bathroom. Even though you locked the door, and the bathroom door…apparently…he could still hear you," Summer says.

"Uh oh. No sex in the house is a big rule for me to get caught breaking again…" Ryan mutters.

"Well, he's not as mad as he was before but I think he's got Seth inside cornered for some sort of birth control lecture," Summer adds, looking at me pointedly.

"I'll go run some damage control. You guys mind finding some Windex and working on that window?" Ryan asks.

"Sure." I watch his sexy ass walk out of the poolhouse and shriek a little when Summer slaps my arm again.

"Stop it, Marissa! God, give the boy a rest," she hisses.

"So, is Sandy really mad?"

"He likes you, he'll get over it. At least we don't have to sit through the sex talk. Mr. Cohen is cute and all but there are some words that he just should not say.

**

* * *

**

I turn to Summer who's setting up Ryan's playstation.

"How bad do you think it's going to be?"

"I don't know Coop, I mean, Sandy's pretty cool but he's really stressed, too," Summer says. "Before you and Ryan got all kinky in the bathroom, did you talk to him about Trey?"

"About how he doesn't want to testify? No. I'm…I'm trying to be a better girlfriend this time around. Listen when he needs me to, talk when he's ready to listen…and I don't know how I even feel about the whole thing."

"Are you going to testify? Let those lawyers pick you apart?" Summer asks quietly.

I haven't considered that. Testifying in open court. Telling everyone about what Trey did to me, why Ryan was so enraged…God, I haven't even told my parents yet.

"Coop?"

"I have to tell my mom and dad about that night."

"You haven't told them?"

We're playing ninjas now and I can see why boys like these video games so much. It's easier to hold a conversation when eye contact isn't required. "No. Sandy knows, and the police…but I haven't told them yet."

"So…you aren't pressing charges against him?"

"Do you think I should?"

The only sound is the ninja battle for a heavy moment.

"Hell, yes. He tried to take advantage of you, Coop, he tried to rape you. You love Ryan, everybody knows it, there's no way that you would've made a play for Trey's skanky ass…"

Is she right? I do love Ryan. Desperately. More than I've ever loved anyone. But I have to admit that there was something…attractive about Trey. I liked him, too. Just…not in a sexual way. I didn't intentionally do anything to make him think that I was interested.

"Coop, you didn't."

"I know. I'll talk to Sandy."

"I don't want to pressure you…" Summer starts.

"You aren't. But if Ryan's not strong enough to testify, then it's something that I have to do. Trey…he shouldn't be out of jail, he's dangerous. But I'm not scared of him, I have no loyalty to him."

Ryan appears with a solemn look on his face. "So. No girls after ten for the next week, no overnight guests."

"That's it?" Summer asks.

Ryan shrugs. "Believe me, we got a lecture. A pretty serious one and I don't want to go through that again anytime soon." He smiles at me as he sits down and puts his arm around me. "I guess that means we'll have to adjust our alone times…"

"I'm going inside to say goodnight to Seth," Summer snorts, hurrying out of the poolhouse.

"You okay?" he asks me.

He looks much more stable and familiar now that he's made up with Sandy. Even after his lecture, he doesn't have the same tenseness as he did before.

"Yeah. But we probably need to talk."

"Yeah? What's on your mind? Sandy gave us a whole ten minutes to say goodnight."

"I think I'm going to file charges against Trey."

His eyes flash and darken. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm going to talk to Sandy. Tell my parents."

He's silent a long time and then he leans over and kisses me gently. "I'll be here for you. I'll stand by you."

"You…you're not mad?"

"He hurt you. If you need to do this, I can't ask you not to. He hurt you and he should have to pay for it."

It makes me wonder why he's not testifying when he says it like that. Trey hurt him, too, much worse.

"I'll walk you inside, okay?" he says, standing up.

"Are we okay?"

"Yeah, but you've worn me out tonight," he smiles.

But I can tell that the tenseness and uncertainty is returning.

But I believe him when he says that he's not going anywhere.

* * *

Mom wakes me around ten and tells me to come down for lunch. 

I know as soon as I'm done brushing my hair that I need to tell them now.

I told Ryan, now I have to take the next step.

I take a deep breath and go downstairs to the dining room.

"Morning, sweetie. Kaity's at the stables so it's just the three of us." Mom kisses my cheek and pulls out my chair as she walks past it to sit across from me.

It's strange to have my Dad sitting at the head of the table instead of Caleb but it's slightly comforting. I liked my mom a lot more when my dad was around. "That's probably good. I have something to tell you guys."

Dad puts his fork down and gives me a concerned look. "Is everything all right?"

"It is now. But…" I'm not sure how to start.

"You can tell us, honey," Mom says quietly. She looks genuinely worried.

"Well, you guys know what happened with Trey and everything…Ryan went over there and they were arguing. But I haven't told you what they were arguing about." I pause but they don't say anything. I take a swallow of orange juice. "When Ryan was in Miami, I offered to keep Trey company and he…he attacked me…"

Mom gasps and I think she even pales a little.

"He didn't do anything, I fought him off, but I had to hit him with something to get away…and I didn't tell anyone, not even Summer and especially not Ryan…"

"Why…" Dad starts.

"He loves his brother, he really wanted to trust Trey and I knew how much it would hurt him…and Trey was wasted, but I realize not that being drunk isn't an excuse…but Summer finally found out and she told Seth and…"

"That's why Ryan and Trey were fighting?" Dad asks quietly.

"Ryan flipped out…I knew he would, that's why I was afraid to tell him…"

"I hope Ryan got a couple of good hits in," Mom says quietly. She's visibly angry so I don't process her words at first.

"Jules?"

"That fucking bastard, trying to rape you…" she hisses.

"I told the police, and Sandy knows but I wasn't sure I was going to file charges…but now I am."

"Of course you are, you're going to make him pay and if the courts don't do it, I'll damned well make sure he gets punished," Mom says.

"Julie. That's not going to help Marissa right now. Enough damage has been done already by people losing their tempers," Dad says.

She relaxes slightly. "Sorry."

"I'm glad you told us, Marissa…you shouldn't keep something like that to yourself…I'm proud of you for taking the next step," Dad says.

* * *

Dad called Sandy and we met him at the police station and spent about four hours talking to the cops. Sandy and Dad stayed with me the whole time but Mom flitted in and out, nervous in the station. 

It was only when she was driving me home that I got any insight into how she was acting.

"Mom? You okay?" It's rare for my mom to show any sign of being upset, she's the ice queen of Newport. But she's been visibly shaken since breakfast.

"Yes, honey. I'm sorry…I know that was really hard for you and I'm sorry…you handled that like a pro…" she says. She glances at me, nervous.

"A professional victim?"

She doesn't smile even though I meant it as a joke.

Its clear I'm not going to get more, so I turn my attention to the radio, flipping stations.

"It happened to me once, when I was fifteen. I never told anyone and I guess hearing you this morning sort of brought it all back. How it felt…how nobody else could understand and how…how much it changed me. You're so brave for doing this, for standing up for yourself."

I don't know what to say.

She shakes it off, visibly steadying herself. "But enough about that. Sandy's a very capable lawyer and I'm sure we'll be able to keep that creep in jail."

"Thanks, mom."

She raises an eyebrow at me.

"For telling me. I know that was hard for you, too." I'm flattered that she cares enough to confide in me.

She pats my hand. "We'll figure out this family thing eventually."

* * *

The bad side of telling my parents is the fact that they decide that they need to keep an eye on me. Smother me. 

So when Dad tells me that we're having dinner at a friend's house, I can't stop from rolling my eyes. Time to dress up and put on my public face.

I meet them downstairs with a simple white sundress on and sneakers, tempting fate.

Surprisingly, they're not dressed up either; Kaitlyn's in jeans and Dad's wearing the ugliest Hawaiian shirt I've ever seen.

"Where are we going?"

"To a barbecue. It's casual," Mom shrugs.

So when we end up at the Cohens, I can't hide my smile.

Summer and Seth are sitting on the porch when Dad parks the car

"Mr. and Mrs. Cooper, Dad's inside," Seth says, standing up to greet us.

"Hey, Coop. Little Coop," Summer says, hugging me and slapping Kaitlyn's hand in a playful greeting.

"What are you guys doing out here?" I ask, following them into the house.

"Dad and Ryan were 'talking' again. I'm learning not to eavesdrop so I came outside," Seth says quietly.

I smile sympathetically at him, but it's a nice gesture for him to do that for Ryan.

We stop cold in the kitchen, watching the scene unfold.

"Sandy. Ryan." Mom leans over and pulls Ryan into a stiff hug, holding him for a long time. "Thank you for defending my daughter."

Seth's even speechless.

Ryan doesn't say anything but he gives me a worried look when she finally releases him.

"I'm about to put the vegetables on, there are drinks outside, I'm not as good of a party-thrower as Kirsten, but I hope you weren't expecting catering.

"Chex mix, I love Chex mix," Kaitlyn says, drawn to the counter.

"Chex what?" Summer asks.

* * *

Ryan doesn't say much during dinner but I can't tell if it's because of Mom's hug or the conversation Seth talked about between him and Sandy. 

I get that he can't talk to me with everyone around, but I stick close to him so he knows I'm there.

Mom and Dad and Sandy go inside and we're left to clean up the patio.

Seth and Summer occupy Kaitlyn so I actually get a minute alone with Ryan.

"Hey," I whisper, putting my lips close to his ear.

He smiles and leans back against me, not turning away from his view of the ocean. "Hey."

"You okay?"

"I am so tired," he breathes and I can feel his exhaustion.

"Why don't you lie down? Take a nap?"

"I have to be sociable. Part of my punishment, I think. What's up with your mom?" he asks.

"She was pretty shaken up when I told her. And at the police station."

"You okay?" he asks, turning around and taking me into his strong arms.

I love the way I fit perfectly in his arms. I lean my head on his shoulder. "Yeah. I've officially bared my soul to the Newport police department and my parents and I'm sure it'll hit the news soon enough with Caleb's death being so recent."

"It'll be okay. It'll all be over soon."

"I hope so." I do. I want it to be back to Ryan and me. Its summer and we should be laughing and having fun and not stressed out.

"Guys, we were going to put a movie on in the poolhouse, if that's okay," Seth says.

"Better than being inside with the old folks," Kaitlyn adds.

"Fine," Ryan says and we follow them into the poolhouse.

Summer and Seth fight over the movies and Kaitlyn makes herself comfortable at the foot of the bed on a pillow she snags from the bed.

Ryan lies down first, leaving space for me beside him.

I put my arm across him, laying my head on his chest and being careful not to hurt him.

Before Seth even starts the movie, I can hear the settling of Ryan's heartbeat as he falls asleep.

But this is nice. Seth's steady commentary and Summer and Kaitlyn's snarky taunts at him make it seem like things are almost normal. Like we're just kids hanging out and watching a movie.

* * *

The next morning I don't even get a chance to call Ryan because I have to take Kaitlyn to the stables and then meet Dad at the docks so we can help clean out his boat so he can sell it. 

Seems like he's here to stay.

It doesn't even seem real to me. I love Dad but I don't believe that he's just all of a sudden reconciling with Mom. I wonder if Caleb knew that my parents were sleeping together. Ew.

My phone buzzes when I'm taking a break and having a nonfat latte. "Hello?"

"Hey," Ryan says, his voice gravelly and low.

His voice always makes me hot. "Hey back."

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Helping my dad, he's going to sell the boat. No more sleepovers on the ocean."

"That sucks. But it's good, right?"

"Yeah. It's good. Hell, I haven't had a real family in a long time. It's going to take some getting used to again. I don't even remember the last time I really got along with Mom and Dad at the same time," she admits.

He laughs a little.

"Where are you?"

"Home. Sandy's finally leaving me alone a little."

"What'd you do all day?"

"Well…I have some good news."

"Yeah? You, with good news?" I tease.

"Can you believe it? But…it is good news. For everyone, I think."

"Well? I don't really need the suspense today."

"Trey's pleading guilty to the charges you brought against him. You don't have to testify and he going to take a deal and be in jail…a long time."

"How long?"

"It's…complicated. He's got parole violations, and drug charges and…Jess' father is pressing charges against him because Jess was underage when they first hooked up. He's…he's taking five years for your assault. Which seems like a lot, but…he signed the deal. Apparently, taking the deal increases his chances of getting a lighter sentence when it all goes before a judge."

"How do you know all this, Ryan? What did you do?"

My mind is racing. I don't have to testify. Trey admitted what he tried to do to me.

"I went to see him."

"You went to see Trey."

"Yeah. I had to…I had to do something. I'm flipping out, I've just been sitting here while everything falls apart…I had to do something to make myself feel better…"

"And now you feel better?"

"It…the whole thing sucks. But Trey's not going to be a problem for us anymore. We…we settled things. I needed to settle things."

"He's your brother," I whisper. "Things are never going to be settled for you."

"Yeah, they will. Eventually. I mean, I've finally come to terms with living in Newport and never seeing my mom again. I'll just put Trey in that part of my brain with Mom. They'll always be a part of me…but they're not a part of my life anymore."

I want to be with him right now. I want to hold him in my arms and fill the holes he has left in him by his family.

"You still there?" he asks.

"Yeah."

"I'm going to crash for a while. I think I can finally get some sleep."

"I'll be over later."

"You okay?"

I take a deep breath. "Yeah. I'm okay." As hard as this has been for me, it's even worse for him. Trey was his family and there were things between them that I have no concept of.

* * *

When I get to the poolhouse, Ryan's asleep on his side and he's relaxed for once. 

I don't wake him right away, I put my bag down and fold my jacket and put them on the chair.

When I turn to look at him again, his eyes are open and there's a sweet smile on his face.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"I know your perfume," he replied, sitting up with a yawn.

"So, what's on the schedule tonight?"

"Well, the blinds have to stay up and the door unlocked. And we have to use the bathroom in the house," Ryan listed.

"Wow."

"Sandy's really serious. And I need to prove to him that I'm sorry for…complicating things."

"You didn't do anything wrong…"

He kisses me and we lie down together. "I have to follow his rules. He needs…calm right now. And I kind of need some, too. He's not trying to keep us apart. He's just worried we're acting…recklessly."

He blushes and I kiss him. "What?"

"He said that I'm using sex to avoid what's really bothering me. I guess he doesn't remember having a really hot girlfriend in high school," he whispers, kissing me.

He kisses me gently at first, running his fingers through my hair and I carefully explore his face with my hands, making sure that he's still there under all the bruises.

"We don't have to do anything," he says between kisses.

"Yeah, we can totally control ourselves," I echo and then return to the kissage.

His mouth just drives me wild and I can't get enough of him.

I don't even know when I ended up on top of him or when his shirt ended up in the floor, but it's been too long since I've gotten to be with him.

I'm kissing a spot on his neck where his collarbone is outlined when I feel the first drops of water on the back of my neck.

The next thing I know, Sandy's standing over us with a spray bottle, a disapproving look on his face.

Ryan's flushed red and I can tell that I'm blushing too by the rush of heat into my cheeks.

"We weren't doing anything," Ryan says, wiping water off his face.

"What was rule number four?"

I smile as Ryan's blue eyes go dark with thought and he counts on his fingers. Then he sighs and reaches over for his shirt. "Fully clothed at all times."

"I knew you were smarter than you looked," Sandy teases and it's good that he's not really that mad. "Get dried off and come into the house. I'm about to order dinner. Seth and Summer are in the den, being supervised."

Ryan rolls his eyes but I can see the amusement. "Fine," he murmurs.

Sandy walks away, swinging the spray bottle enthusiastically and whistling.

"He enjoys this entirely too much," Ryan says.

"I am kind of hungry," I tell him, kissing his cheek as I scramble off the bed when he tries to tickle me.

"You need to eat something. I'm scared you're going to fade away on me," he says, pulling his shirt on and standing up to embrace me.

"I am not going anywhere," I tell him, kissing him again.

Sandy yells something from the house and we separate again.

Sandy is taking his chaperoning very seriously.

Once we're settled in the den with an appropriately rated PG-13 movie of Sandy's choice, I lace my fingers with Ryan's on the couch.

Summer's sitting in Seth's lap on the opposite end of the couch and even though we're all pretty close friends, I know that there will be no hanky panky tonight for any of us.

Ryan dozes off after the opening credits again and I catch Seth looking at us. "What?"

"Nothing."

Summer elbows him and he winces dramatically. "He's worried about Ryan."

"He saw his brother today. I mean, we're cool and all but he didn't say anything about it. He also talked to mom on the phone," Seth adds.

"Really?" I didn't know that. I glance at him but he's snoring softly through his nose.

"Yeah. So he's had a long day. But…but he hasn't said anything so…" Seth stammers.

"I think he's okay," I tell him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. He's okay." We're both going to be okay.

**_FIN_**


End file.
